Why do we sabotage our own progress

• This information is my understanding of what Dr. Donald Kalsched has written of in his wonderful book, “Trauma and The Soul”pub. 2013.
• Any points he would not agree with I gladly acknowledge as my own interpretation of his work and not his.
• Why do we sabotage our own progress in life?
• To understand better what may be going on let me share some of the understanding I have as a result of my training and the wonderful writing of Dr. Donald Kalsched.  He sets it out so clearly in his book
• “Trauma and the Soul”
• The Saboteur is an important defense system that our psyche has set up in order to protect the most vulnerable core of our psyche, our essential self.
• When we are vulnerable and feel threatened either physically or emotionally, and depending on the perceived enormity of the threat, at some point the psyche may decide to create a powerful defense to protect at all costs this vulnerable wounded self from exposure to any more vulnerability.
• Thus,—the Saboteur is an important defense system that our psyche has set up in order to protect the most vulnerable core of our psyche, our essential self.
• —When we are vulnerable and feel threatened either physically or emotionally, and depending on the perceived enormity of the threat, at some point the psyche may decide to create a powerful defense to protect at all costs this vulnerable wounded self from exposure to any more vulnerability.
• For example,—when the “saboteur” protection system sees that someone has the potential to “harm us” i.e. get too close to our core  essence , it comes to our defense in attempting to get rid of the potential threat, i.e. the person we may be getting close to. We may experience this as anxiety, anger, fear  etc. Thus our conscious response to this disturbed stat can be “I am too busy with my career, family obligations, etc.” to have time to get involved.
• —And once again we  retreat, drop the relationship.  Our (often mostly unconscious) anxiety is relieved and we are “safe” again, only to continue consciously as a lonely, sometimes isolated person paying the high  price for this “protection” of our core self  as once again the core self is protected  ( isolated) from connection with  life.
• —The therapist who understands this may see this as a very fruitful time in the therapy process. Through the struggles of sometimes one step forward two back , three forward one back, the client can learn to trust that they may have the capacity to survive even if the one we become vulnerable with does hurt us.
• —As the feelings and emotions of anxiety, fear, etc. are made conscious and worked through  the reward is the potential to also enjoy the heartfelt connection and may love the experience of loving, and now saying YES to life.
• —As we allow the pain that we carry around inside us of those very early wounds , come to light and heal , the saboteur‘s job of keeping this wounded self separated  (often unconsciously) and protected from any more pain, is no longer needed as we heal.
• This to me is one of the wonderful experiences of supporting a client on the journey of self development and healing through the process of therapy.

Clare Hickey; Counselling Psychologist.